Recently my mind has been fixated on something. Strange, but I can’t get this issue out of my mind. As I review my life I find that there have been a great deal of things that I’ve lost.
A few nights ago I had a dream that all losses had turned back into gains. Things and people that were gone much too early were suddenly and systematically reappearing. It was a euphoric feeling. Then I woke up.
When we think of gains….and losses we usually equate that with the monetary and the physical. It could be a job. It could be our dream car that we just couldn’t afford and had to give up. It could have even been a job we loved (there’s a concept!) we lost for whatever reason. But besides monetary, the next thing that immediately come to our minds, is who we’ve lost. It may be a spouse, a parent, or a close friend. It could have even been a lost love that never quite happened. When we survey the landscape of our lives we very often think about and pine over things or people that we’ve lost.
As we lay awake at night trying to imagine what it would be like to have someone or thing back we think of all we think of what we should have done differently. Maybe if I’d only said this differently, maybe they wouldn’t have left. Maybe if I’d been a little more understanding and patient? Or if only I’d not spent all of my savings on building my business, only to see it fail and with it my nest egg for the future.
We do a lot of second guessing, don’t we?
The emotions associated with our losses run the gamut. We go from shock to sadness to madness and move on to the blame game. It’s usually somebody else’s fault! And at times that might be true and justly laid at someone else’s feet. But at some point we cave in and realize that the loss is just our reality. Then what do we do? We try to pick up whatever pieces are left and move on. But in our pursuit of sanity we end up lugging around guilt, shame, hurt, regret, and other heavy millstones needlessly. So what’s next?
During a particularly difficult and dry period of my life I came to the conclusion that I was an expert at failure. I would take walks in the morning and have little discussions with myself. My self told me, “Self you are much better at failure than at success”. There was a realization that I felt safe missing the mark or loosing the game. And I was an expert at feeling sorry for myself and being content there. It finally became clear. I was afraid of succeeding and winning.
This thought process led to me asking God to simply help me accept what had happened in the past and let it be. And to also ask God help me move from fear of failure to success in faith. Failure was about me, faith is about God. I owned failure. God owns success. So I finally let go of the past and decided to live in God’s success, whatever that would mean.
Let the past go. Don’t deny your memories, but live for now. The future is in God’s hands. I believe and trust that He cannot fail. What about you?